Spamglish

Larry Torres at his home in El Salto.

Una mañana, Canutito was sitting around en la cocina kind of depressed. Grampo Caralampio came back into the kitchen después de estar en el gallinero, feeding las gallinas. He noticed de una vez que el Canutito estaba lost in thought como si no tuviera a single friend en el mundo. Se quitó los guantes from his hands and he tapped the kid con ellos en la mera cabeza.  He asked him: “¿Qué te pasa, m’hijo?” You look como si estuvieras todo confused.”          

     “Grampo,” he replied, “I don’t think que I will ever get to understand cómo piensan las mujeres. Ellas son such complicated creatures. I just heard el cuento de una de las mamás of a student in my class. She got married cuatro veces con hombres who were completamente diferentes pero she seemed muy contenta with each and every one de ellos. Parecía como que every time she got married con un hombre diferente, estaba happy con su choice. Y yo no puedo make heads or tails de cómo ella was able to decide cómo she chose each one of them.”

     Grampo Caralampio looked at Canutito en los mero ojos and asked him to describe a los cuatro hombres who had been los cuatro esposos de la señora. Canutito thought por un momento about the first husband y dijo, “Well, grampo, I understand que su primer husband era un millonario. Tenía tanto dinero que she would never be wanting por nada en la vida. So I guess que I can understand por qué lo hizo choose a él.”

     “Bueno, m’hijo,” Grampo Caralampio replied. “What that tells me about esa señora es que las riquezas eran bien importantes para ella. Now tell me un poquito about her second husband para ver si vemos un pattern developing.”

     “Pues, grampo,” Canutito continued, “It seems que el second husband de la mujer no era nada rico. In fact he was always broke. It’s true de que era un actor y la podía entretener con su talento de cantar y bailar and maybe even con su acting ability. Pero he was vastly different del first husband que había tenido.”

     “I think que I am starting to figure out a esa mujer,” Grampo Caralampio said. “It is clear de que se casó with number one porque he was rich, and she married al segundo porque he could keep her entertained. Ahora I want you to think about su third husband. ¿Qué clase de hombre era? Was he like the other two?”

     “I don’t think so, grampo,” Canutito answered. He was not un millionaire ni un actor. He turned out to be a preacher.”

     “Okay, ahora we are getting somewhere, m’hijo,” Grampo Caralampio said. El rich husband could give her mucho dinero y el husband number two could keep her entertained pero ahora, el predicador le podía dar advice about how to repent de sus pecados and feel sorry for her sins. Pero, I still can’t see qué cosas un rico, un actor y un preacher have in common. I think that in order to understand the lady, tenemos que ver qué clase de hombre era su fourth husband.”

     “Su fourth husband era un undertaker, grampo,” Canutito said.

     “An undertaker?” Grampo Caralampio asked him todo surprised. I can understand que un undertaker es un mortician que pasa todo su tiempo componiendo a los muertos. Se la pasa making them look pretty para la otra vida in the next life.” 

     “I’ve got it, grampo!” Canutito exclaimed happily. I solved the riddle de la señora y sus cuatro husbands: She married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go. Grampo Caralampio smiled de ver que su grandson era tan clever…

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