Canutito no estaba hooked on phonics


La familia estaba sitting around the table después de su Sunday meal nomás smacking their lips. Grama Cuca had just cooked una comida muy sabrosa de mashed potatoes con greve y carne de borreguito. Pa' dessert, habían comido leche clem. Canutito had thoroughly enjoyed su puré de papas with gravy, roasted lamb and his milk pudding. Grampo Caralampio dio un big ole regoldido and when he burped, Canutito giggled y le preguntó: "Grampo, has Grama Cuca always being such a fine cocinera?"

"Not always, m'hijo," Grampo Caralampio replied. "When I first married her, no sabía ni freir un huevo." (Grama Cuca le dio un dirty look.)

"Really, grampo?" Canutito asked. "Did grama really not know how to fry an egg?"

Grampo pretended not to see el dengue que la grama had given him y continuó: "Sí, m'hijo, not only did she not know cómo freir un huevo, pero una vez when I asked her to make me some Jell-O, ella me dijo: 'I'll cook some para ti this afternoon.'"

"Oh no!" Canutito exclaimed. "Did grama really think que tenía que hacer cook el Jell-O? She must have been muy tiernita."

"Yes, that she was; ella estaba muy wet behind the ears, m'hijo," grampo went on. "In fact, cuando I brought her una banana to put en el Jell-O, she didn't know what to do, de manera que she just peeled it and stuck it como una tower en el medio del Jell-O."

Canutito laughed at the thought de que la banana estaba parada como una torre, wiggling en el medio del Jell-O.

We were all inocentes at one time," Grama Cuca defended herself. "I remember en la escuela cuando tu grampo didn't know cómo hacer spell."

"He didn't know cómo speletrear what, grama?" Canutito asked her.

"First of all," grama said, "The word por 'to spell' no es 'speletrear'; it is 'deletrear'. I remember que estábamos teniendo una spelling bee y la maestra asked a tu grampo to spell: 'Don Quixote.' Tu grampo repitió la word, sounding it out y respondió: 'Don Quixote - D-o-n-k-e-y H-o-t-i-e; Donkey Hotie'! The teacher told him: 'Wrong! Go to the tail.'"

Canutito laughed, just thinking of Don Quixote being pronounced como Donkey Hotie.

"Eso no es nada, m'hijo," Grama Cuca went on, toda fired up. Después de la clase, we had to go pa'l catecismo. There at catechism class, the nun decided de darnos otro spelling bee usando words de la Biblia. I could see a tu grampo sweating bullets cuando iba a ser su turn de hacer spell something. The nun said: 'Caralampio, the word is Espíritu Santo. Spell it.'

"Tu grampo turned colorão, colorão; blushing from here to Tuesday. He said, 'Let's see. Espíritu Santo - S-p-e-e-d-y T-w-o S-a-n-t-o-e'; Speedy Two Santoe.' La hermana whacked him con la rula and she said: 'Wrong! ¡Vete a la cola!' So, you see, m'hijo, tu grampo has no room to talk when it comes to people que eran inocentes at one time."

Canutito se rió again. He didn't know what was funnier: "Donkey Hotie" and "Speedy Two Santoe" o la banana standing en el Jell-O swaying pa'trás y pa'delante. He said, "I was reminded de ese commercial en el TV where the schoolkids say: 'Huked on phonix werks for me.' Some things are just wrong."

Todos en la familia hicieron smile as they gathered up los trastes and carried them pa'l sink después de la "spelling lesson"…