Spamglish

Larry Torres at his home in El Salto.

Una mañana, Grampo Caralampio was sitting at the breakfast table, sonriéndose como que estaba remembering something amusing.  Grama Cuca had just put un jumataso lleno de atole in front of him cuando todavía estaba snickering to himself. Canutito was looking at grampo del rincón de sus ojos and he asked: “Grampo, ¿qué está tan foneh esta mañana?”

“I was just remembering a Mano Clarino,” he answered. Él era un buen amigo mío when we were chavalitos pinineos en la escuela, pero as he got older, su salud deteriorated más y más y al fin su familia had to put him en un nursing home para que lo cuidaran allí. Vivía muy a gusto en ese facility, y le gustaba mucho porque allí they would feed him, lo bañaban, and he had muchos otros viejos with whom he could joke around y pasarla suave. Su bedroom estaba located en el top of the stairs de manera que in the mornings he would come down los escalones para almorzar con sus amigos. 

Pues, una mañana he did didn’t come down a comer su breakfast with his friends y todos estaban un poco concerned porque no venía. 

‘Posiblemente Mano Clarino esté enfermo,’ one of the elderly chimed in. ‘Ayer en la tarde se veía un poco pálido. Maybe he is sick.’

‘Posiblemente Mano Clarino fell down y se desconsartó un pie. It is possible to sprain a foot si en caso tomas un false step,’ another said.

La nodriza who was on duty stood up y se fue a ver por qué Mano Clarino no venía a almorzar together with the rest of them. Fue y le tocó en la puerta, and she called out: ‘¿Don Clarino, está bien o necesita ayuda?’ she asked adjusting her little white nurse’s cap.

‘Allí voy,’ Mano Clarino answered desde adentro de su recámara. He opened the bedroom door y comenzó a bajar los stairs muy despacito, pausing después de cada uno. The nurse got a little concerned porque it seemed to her que Mano Clarino estaba teniendo un stroke.

‘Don Clarino,’ she  called over to him, ‘quiere que le llame una ambulance to take you para el hospital?’

'No, yo creyo que I’m going to do just fine,’ Mano Clarino answered, continuing to take small, baby steps como si sus legs weren’t working muy bien. Por fin he arrived at the breakfast table y se dejó caer abruptly en la silla. Esta vez todos estaban muy sure de que Mano Clarino was having un stroke o un heart attack. Tan rápido como posible, they called a la ambulance to the nursing home para ver if they could save him antes de que fuera too late.

La ambulancia llegó with all of its sirens making quite a racket and pulled up adelante del nursing home.  Los médicos scrambled to get over dónde estaba Mano Clarino. They tried to help him out of his clothes pero estaban teniendo dificultades. When they tried to remove sus pantalones, they saw que el viejito no estaba teniendo un stroke o un heart attack.

Lo que había pasado fue que when ole Mano Clarino was getting dressed esa mañana, he had shoved both of his legs por el mismo agujero de sus chortes. Having both legs pushed through the same side of his underwear had constricted su blood flow y por eso not podía caminar bien.”

Canutito laughed y luego he said: “I’m sorry que I’m laughing, grampo, pero we have all shoved both legs por el mismo underwear opening at one time or another. Por eso it is funny.”

He was glad de que Mano Clarino no había tenido un stroke…

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